I have got so low that I have asked to be hospitalized and for deep narcosis (sleep). I cannot stand being awake. The pain is too much... Something has happened to me, this vital spark has stopped burning - I go to a dinner table now and I don't say a word, just sit there like a dodo. Normally I am the centre of attention, keeps the conversation going, - so that is depressing in itself. It's like another person taking over, very strange. The most important thing I say is 'good evening' and then I go quiet.

Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.

My father was my greatest inspiration. He was a lunatic.

Australia, Australia, we love you from the heart. The kidneys, the liver & the giblets too. And every other part.

I told you I was ill. (On his headstone)

Archduke Franz Ferdinand Found Alive! First World War a Mistake!

Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?