I have got so low that I have asked to be hospitalized and for deep narcosis (sleep). I cannot stand being awake. The pain is too much... Something has happened to me, this vital spark has stopped burning - I go to a dinner table now and I don't say a word, just sit there like a dodo. Normally I am the centre of attention, keeps the conversation going, - so that is depressing in itself. It's like another person taking over, very strange. The most important thing I say is 'good evening' and then I go quiet.

One day the "Don't Knows" will get in and then where will we be?

The most difficult book I have ever read was a manual on the use of iron bangles by A.J. Thompson.

Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.

A bird in The Strand is worth two in Shepherds Bush

My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!

Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.