I told you I was ill. (On his headstone)

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

I told you I was ill. (On his headstone)

My father was my greatest inspiration. He was a lunatic.

Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?

Listen, someone's screaming in agony- fortunately I speak it fluently

I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.