Archduke Franz Ferdinand Found Alive! First World War a Mistake!

Listen, someone's screaming in agony- fortunately I speak it fluently

The most difficult book I have ever read was a manual on the use of iron bangles by A.J. Thompson.

I'm a hero wid coward's legs, I'm a hero from the waist up.

I cannot stand being awake, the pain is too much.

I'm Irish. We think sideways

I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.