Money can't buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.

I'm a hero wid coward's legs, I'm a hero from the waist up.

In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.

Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.

Education isn't everything, for a start it isn't an elephant

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.

My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!