You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.

Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

Listen, someone's screaming in agony- fortunately I speak it fluently

My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!

Archduke Franz Ferdinand Found Alive! First World War a Mistake!

I can speak Esperanto like a native.