My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!

We don't have anything planned, so nothing can go wrong.

In the human race today, you came last.

In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.

I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe's singing until somebody told me that it wasn't a joke.

On the Ning Nang Nong Where the Cows go Bong! And the Monkeys all say Boo! Theres a Nang Nong Ning Where the trees go Ping! And the tea pots Jibber Jabber Joo On the Nong Ning Nang All the Mice go Clang! And you just cant catch em when they do! So its Ning Nang Nong! Cows go Bong! Nong Nang Ning! Trees go Ping! Nong Ning Nang! The mice go Clang! What a noisy place to belong,Is the Ning Nang Ning Nang Nong!

Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.