Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.

It was a perfect marrige. She didn`t want to and he couldn`t

I'm Irish. We think sideways

Render any politician down and there's enough fat to fry an egg.

In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.

Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

General: Where are you from? Spike: London. General: Which part? Spike: ... Well, all of me.