Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.

Life is a long agonized illness only curable by death.

In the human race today, you came last.

Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.

I cannot stand being awake, the pain is too much.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.