Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.

My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.

Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.

Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.

The most difficult book I have ever read was a manual on the use of iron bangles by A.J. Thompson.

Any man can be 62, but it takes a bus to be 62A.

I cannot stand being awake, the pain is too much.