Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.

I told you I was ill. (On his headstone)

I can speak Esperanto like a native.

The most difficult book I have ever read was a manual on the use of iron bangles by A.J. Thompson.

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

In the human race today, you came last.

I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.