Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.

My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.

I'm a hero wid coward's legs, I'm a hero from the waist up.

You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.

In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.

Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.

My father was my greatest inspiration. He was a lunatic.