I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.

My father was my greatest inspiration. He was a lunatic.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.

I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

I can speak Esperanto like a native.

You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.