It was a perfect marrige. She didn`t want to and he couldn`t

It was a perfect marrige. She didn`t want to and he couldn`t

I told you I was ill. (On his headstone)

Archduke Franz Ferdinand Found Alive! First World War a Mistake!

We don't have anything planned, so nothing can go wrong.

I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.

I'm a hero wid coward's legs, I'm a hero from the waist up.