Any man can be 62, but it takes a bus to be 62A.

Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.

I'm a hero with coward's legs.

Life is a long agonized illness only curable by death.

Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.

I told you I was ill. (On his headstone)

In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.