I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.

I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe's singing until somebody told me that it wasn't a joke.

I'm Irish. We think sideways

I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.

Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.

Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light