Render any politician down and there's enough fat to fry an egg.

The most difficult book I have ever read was a manual on the use of iron bangles by A.J. Thompson.

In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.

I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.

Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.

My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.

We haven't got a plan so nothing can go wrong!