I'm not a truthiness fanatic, I'm truthiness's father.

What the right-wing in the United States tries to do is undermine the press.

When the president decides something on Monday, he still believes it on Wednesday - no matter what happened Tuesday.

Every night on my show, The Colbert Report, I speak straight from the gut, okay? I give people the truth, unfiltered by rational argument. I call it "The No Fact Zone.

If I ever succumbed to the demon on my shoulder going, "You should get something special because you're famous," that is the moment that my behavior will be caught on social media for all time. I'm even afraid to use it to get a reservation. This is the person who will tweet, "Can you believe what this a-hole did?"

Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Give a man a sub-prime fish loan and you're in business, buddy.

If the eyes are the window to the soul, then why does it hurt when I spray them with Windex?