It takes a good deal of physical courage to ride a horse. This, however, I have. I get it at about forty cents a flask, and take it as required.

I am what is called a professor emeritus—from the Latin e, 'out,' and meritus, 'so he ought to be.

There are two things in ordinary conversation which ordinary people dislike - information and wit

When actors begin to think, it's time for a change. They are not fitted for it.

About the only good thing you can say about old age is, it's better than being dead!

Personally, I would sooner have written Alice in Wonderland than the whole Encyclopedia Britannica.

Chess is one long regret.