A sniper is like a genius - it’s not enough to be one, you have to be one at something.

The great thing about being ignored is that you can speak the truth with impunity.

How many times does a man have to shave before his chin gets the message?

The optimist sees the future as a rabbit sees the oncoming truck - getting bigger, not closer.

Satire works in a bunch of specific ways, like a very precisely-geared bomb. It's a bit like something that looks harmless, and you swallow it, but once it's inside you it's too late, and it triggers, blowing up. And it's your specific inner beliefs and faulty arguments that trigger a satire bomb. If your arguments work, the bomb doesn't trigger, it doesn't need to.

The best way of getting into something is to think of it as mischief.

In America, fundamentalist Christians believe the world was created 6,000 years ago - in England people drink in bars that are older than that.