I'm not Vegas. Places I play usually cost like $3 to get in, you know, and people are going: Gee, I've got $3, I think I'll throw it away.

It [live performance] is just very difficult. Doing an hour, hour and a half of live standup is an endurance test. You almost have to do it every day to stay up on it.

Dinosaurs did not walk with humans. The evolutionary record says different. They gambled.

What is comedy? Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.

Halle Berry is here, whose win last year broke down barriers for unbelievably hot women.

I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.

Communication has changed so rapidly in the last 20 years, it's almost impossible to predict what might occur even in the next decade. E-mail, which now sends data hurtling across vast distances at the speed of light, has replaced primitive forms of communication such as smoke signals, which sent data hurtling across vast distances at the speed of light.