I couldn't see his face, because the light came in from behind him and he was in shadow, and he said, "I am Picasso." And I said, "Well, so what?

I got a flue shot and now my chimney works perfectly.

I'm a bitter, sad, sour young man who makes a career out of hastling people with real careers.

I'm always looking for something to engage my imagination and take me on a little mental voyage. I just want a new topic in my life.

What I mean is that none of my talents had a - what's that great word - rubric. A singer, an actor, a dancer - there was nothing I could really say I was. The writing came much later. And, actually, thank God, because if I had said I'm a singer, I would really have just had one thing to do.

I thought yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life but it turns out today is.

I'm tired of wasting letters when punctuation will do, period.