You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.

I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.

Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

I bought an ant farm. I don't know where I am going to get a tractor that small!

Do radioactive cats have eighteen half-lives?