Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?

I moved into an all-electric house. I forgot and left the porch light on all day. When I got home the front door wouldn't open.

All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes.

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?

When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic. When he gets older, I'd tell him he used to have a brother, but he didn't obey.

What do batteries run on?