Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.

Because I don't believe everything I read.

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.

When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?

Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'

I bought a cheap piece of land... It was on someone else’s property.

Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.