Nobody can really compare a relationship in which the victim is 15 years old to one where she's 6. While both criminal, they're very different circumstances.

I saw a close friend of mine the other day. . . . He said, "Stephen, why haven't you called me?" I said, "I can't call everyone I want. My new phone has no five on it." He said, "How long have you had it?" I said, "I don't know . . . my calendar has no sevens on it."

The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my house with my car keys. I started the house up. So, I drove it around for a while. I was speeding, and a cop pulled me over. He asked where I lived. I said, "Right here, officer."

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

When I was ten, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.

Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?