A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

Childhood was very nice. The only thing wrong was that I was so introverted, everything became a big deal... 'Oh, no, here comes the bus. Where am I gonna sit on the bus?'

I took my dog for a walk... all the way from New York to Florida... I said to him "There now you're done."

You know, the New Testament is pretty old. I think they should call them the Old Testament and the Most Recent Testament.

Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.

Do fish get cramps after eating?

After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water?