I've never seen electricity, that's why I don't pay for it
Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?
Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
When I was a fetus, I used to sneak out at night when my mother was sleeping. I figured I should start stealing stuff while I still had no fingerprints.
I told her I knew when I was going to die because my birth certificate had an expiration date on it.