Snakes have no arms. That's why they don't wear vests.

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.