One day, when I came home from work, I accidentally put my car key in the door of my apartment building. I turned it, and the whole building started up. So I drove it around. A policeman stopped me for going too fast. He said, "Where do you live?" I said, "Right here!" Then I drove my building onto the middle of a highway, and I ran outside, and told all of the cars to get the hell out of my driveway.

If its tourist season, why cant we shoot them

I like to skate on the other side of the ice.

Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4.

Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.

The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree.