If its tourist season, why cant we shoot them

The speed of time is one second per second.

I got an answering machine for my phone. . . . Now, when I'm not home and somebody calls me up . . . they hear a recording of a busy signal.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

I saw a want ad. "light housekeeping." They said "Here, change this bulb." I said "I'll need some friends."

Yesterday I saw a chicken crossing the road. I asked it why. It told me it was none of my business.

I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'