My father was a small claims court jester.
99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
I went to the hardware store to buy some batteries, but they weren't included, so I had to buy them again.
I saw a want ad. "light housekeeping." They said "Here, change this bulb." I said "I'll need some friends."
I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake. I didn't notice until I got it set up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake.