I've never seen electricity, that's why I don't pay for it
If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
Half the people you know are below average.
So I got off the plane and I forget to take off my seat-belt and I'm dragging the plane through the terminal... The wings are knocking people over.
If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
I parked in the tow-away zone, and when I got back, the entire neighborhood was gone.