Day 1 -- Still tired from the move. Day 2 -- Everybody talks to me like I'm an idiot.
If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
I Xeroxed my watch. Now I have time to spare.
Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it because it's dangerous.
The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.