Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

I got a new dog. He's a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he's not sure what I threw him.

Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it because it's dangerous.

I saw a want ad. "light housekeeping." They said "Here, change this bulb." I said "I'll need some friends."

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.

The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.