I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.
Steven WrightA cop stopped me for speeding/ He said, 'Why were you going so fast?' I said, 'See this thing my foot is on? It's called an accelerator. When you push down on it, it sends more gas to the engine. The whole car just takes right off. And see this thing [mimes steering wheel]? This steers it'
Steven WrightOnly one in four jokes ever works, and I still can't predict what people will laugh at.
Steven Wright