When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said.

I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.

I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.

I bought a dog the other day. . . . I named him Stay. It's fun to call him. . . . "Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!" He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing.

I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sun wouldn't rise.