My socks DO match. They're the same thickness.

Babies don't need a vacation. But I still see them at the beach. It pisses me off.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.

In hindsight, I realized I could see into the future. Which is kind of like having premonitions of flashbacks.

What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?

When I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid watching this and in 15 years, he's gonna be doing stuff that was influenced by me.' I was trying to get my five minutes together. So now that those people are comedians and they're influenced by me - it's bizarre.