My socks DO match. They're the same thickness.

Sorry... my mind was wandering... one time it went all the way to Venus and ordered a meal I couldn’t pay for.

The other day, I was walking my dog around my building . . . on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

I paint; I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistically and then changing to abstract art. That was my first creative thing before guitar or comedy.

A fool and his money are soon partying.

I need one of those baby monitors from my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell I'm really thinking about.