When I was 16... I worked in a pet store. And they fired me because... they had three snakes in there, and one day I braided them.

Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?

I don't like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my fish tank. I can't hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish go like this <<<>>><<>><<<<. I go down to the pet store and said, "Give me another ten guppies, I got a lot of calls yesterday."

I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.

Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.

Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing.

Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?