Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.

I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.

A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street and . . . ooooohhhhhh, that's much better.

My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.

Day 1 -- Still tired from the move. Day 2 -- Everybody talks to me like I'm an idiot.

My father was a small claims court jester.

I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4.