Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.

I hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means it's going to be up all night.

Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.

I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an idiot.

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.