Having sex with her is incredible. It's just like a concert. We throw Frisbees around the room. And when she wants more she lights a match.

Imagine Pulitzer prizefighting.

My girlfriend's weird. One day she asked me, 'If you could know how and when you were going to die, would you want to know?' I said, 'No.' She said, 'Okay, forget it.

I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.

When I was in boy scouts, I slipped on the ice and hurt my ankle. A little old lady had to help me across the street.

I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.

I got my driver's license photo taken out of focus on purpose. Now when I get pulled over, the cop looks at it [moving it nearer and farther, trying to see it clearly], and says, "Here, you can go"