The other day I went to a tourist information booth and asked, 'Tell me about some of the people who were here last year.
My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.
For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.
Smoking cures weight problems, eventually.
Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'
I just lost a buttonhole.