The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.

You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.

In hindsight, I realized I could see into the future. Which is kind of like having premonitions of flashbacks.

The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.

Is it possible to be totally partial?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?