I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

Babies don't need a vacation. But I still see them at the beach. It pisses me off.

The other day I went to a tourist information booth and asked, 'Tell me about some of the people who were here last year.

A beautiful woman moved in next door. So I went over and returned a cup of sugar. She said, "You didn't borrow this." I said, " I will!"

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.

I was in the first submarine. Instead of a periscope, they had a kaleidoscope. "We're surrounded."

They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning. I like to live on the edge.