I can't stop thinking like this.

I wish, when I was first born, the first thing I said was "Quote" so the last thing I said before I died would be "Unquote.

Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.

My friend Sally is a nudist. I went to her house. The closets have no doors. The walls are covered with see-through wallpaper.

What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?

Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

I haven't changed at all. I'm the same as when I was 11.