I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.

I'm moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes...

I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house.

I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you’re not using?

I saw a tree fall in the woods, and I didn't hear it.

In hindsight, I realized I could see into the future. Which is kind of like having premonitions of flashbacks.

I moved into an all-electric house. I forgot and left the porch light on all day. When I got home the front door wouldn't open.