Winny and I lived in a house that ran on static electricity. If you wanted to run the blender, you had to rub balloons on your head. If you wanted to cook, you had to pull off a sweater real quick

My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.

There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.

The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.

You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor.

I was hitchhiking the other day and a hearse stopped. I said, 'No thanks, I'm not going that far.