I got a dog and named him 'Stay'. Now, I go 'Come here, Stay!' After a while, the dog went insane and wouldn't move at all.

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

I thought I would be a guy on the radio.

My doctor told me I shouldn't work out until I'm in better shape. I told him, 'All right; don't send me a bill until I pay you.'

Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.

I changed my headlights the other day. I put in strobe lights instead! Now when I drive at night, it looks like everyone else is standing still.

Last year we drove across the country...We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip... I don't remember what it was.