I got a dog and named him 'Stay'. Now, I go 'Come here, Stay!' After a while, the dog went insane and wouldn't move at all.

I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.

I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.

[Referring to a glass of water:] I mixed this myself. Two parts H, one part O. I don't trust anybody!

Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?