I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, 'Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours.' He said, 'Yes, but not in a row.'

I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you’re not using?

I haven't changed at all. I'm the same as when I was 11.

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, 'Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours.' He said, 'Yes, but not in a row.'

I told her I knew when I was going to die because my birth certificate had an expiration date on it.

I was in a grocery store. I saw a sign that said 'pet supplies.' So I did. Then I went outside and saw a sign that said, 'Compact cars.

[Referring to a glass of water:] I mixed this myself. Two parts H, one part O. I don't trust anybody!