I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, 'Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours.' He said, 'Yes, but not in a row.'

I saw a want ad. "light housekeeping." They said "Here, change this bulb." I said "I'll need some friends."

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

I live at the end of a dead end one way street. I don't know how I got there.

At one point he decided enough was enough.

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.