I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, 'Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours.' He said, 'Yes, but not in a row.'

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney.

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?

The other day I ... no wait, that wasn't me.

Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'

If you are sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?

There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really interesting, very electric, very alive, and intense experience, and you can't get it anywhere else. And I've been doing it since I was 23, so it's part of my being - it's part of my fabric as a person.