When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

[Referring to a glass of water:] I mixed this myself. Two parts H, one part O. I don't trust anybody!

I've been thinking of humorous things since I was... I can't remember when. All the way through elementary school, all the way through junior high, all the way through high school, through college and after college, I was thinking of the same kinds of things that I say in front of an audience now.

Four years ago... no, it was yesterday.

Do you have any toy train schedules?

I used to be a narrator for bad mimes.