If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?

I worked in a health food store once. A guy asked me, 'If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?

When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?

I was in the supermarket the other day, and I met a lady in the aisle where they keep the generic brands. Her name was 'woman.

You know when you're sitting on a chair and you lean back so you're just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.

I've been thinking of humorous things since I was... I can't remember when. All the way through elementary school, all the way through junior high, all the way through high school, through college and after college, I was thinking of the same kinds of things that I say in front of an audience now.

I never even thought of myself as deadpan until someone wrote an article about me about a year after I was doing comedy. There was a paper called the 'Boston Phoenix,' and someone wrote a description of what I was doing and that's where I first saw 'deadpan.'