If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.

I tried to hang myself with a bungee cord. I kept almost dying.

When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

If you are sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?