I'm standing behind a wall of jokes. You don't know about my personal life, my girlfriends, or what I do when I'm not on the road. There's this guy, this comedian, and this is how he thinks, but people really don't know anything about me.

While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom. They put it in exactly the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said: "Do I know you?"

There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really interesting, very electric, very alive, and intense experience, and you can't get it anywhere else. And I've been doing it since I was 23, so it's part of my being - it's part of my fabric as a person.

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

I laugh all the time - at things, people, stuff, whatever. But, I don't laugh onstage because then it's serious business.

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?

Sorry... my mind was wandering... one time it went all the way to Venus and ordered a meal I couldn’t pay for.