In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.

I have a fax machine with "fax waiting".

When I was 16... I worked in a pet store. And they fired me because... they had three snakes in there, and one day I braided them.

The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.

I broke my arm trying to fold a bed. It wasn't the kind that folds.

I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.

I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.