I saw a sign: "Rest Area 25 Miles". That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired.

I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.

I like to fill my tub up with water, then turn the shower on and act like I'm in a submarine that's been hit .

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

I changed my headlights the other day. I put in strobe lights instead! Now when I drive at night, it looks like everyone else is standing still.

I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates".

I don't go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it's contrived and forced. I just live my life, and I see things in a word or a situation or a concept, and it will create a joke for me.