I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.'
I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.
Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read.
My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.