I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
Steven WrightTell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
Steven WrightMy girlfriend's weird. One day she asked me, 'If you could know how and when you were going to die, would you want to know?' I said, 'No.' She said, 'Okay, forget it.
Steven Wright