I saw a want ad. "light housekeeping." They said "Here, change this bulb." I said "I'll need some friends."

I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I told people, it wouldn't happen. So I kept it all in my head for years and years.

I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.

People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do.

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.

I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.

I just got this new camera. It's very advanced - you don't even need it.