How come abbreviated is such a long word?

In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above... so I never have to go upstairs.

If Dracula can't see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

For a while I didn't have a car . . . I had a helicopter . . . no place to park it, so I just tied it to a lamp post and left it running. [slow glance upward]

I once locked my keys out of my car. I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.